Friday, December 31, 2004

My 2004

Looking back at 2004, it’s a wonderful year for me and most of the people around me …I’m listing them – for me to remember, to cherish later ... This year, I started my ‘goal’ list – things for me to achieve not only for my own benefit, but for my loved ones as well. I scored 7 out of 10. This is awesome !! The other 3 shall be carried forward :).

I wouldn’t be here at today, at this level, without the support and endless love from my family, especially my dearest mum...though one of my ‘hope’ was recently destroyed, and I’m writing this with heartbroken mood instead of super happy mood. Nevertheless, my focus on family connection in 2004 - is rated ‘A’.

Family Connection
Mum completed her scan and confirmed healthy, no cancer…truly a great news. All family members showed their support and TLC ( Tender Loving Care ).
The power of family is indeed a force to reckon with :). Glad that she made a pleasant trip to Hong Kong visiting TaiLoh, TaiSoh and her grandkids …

Lucky me, I visited HK and USA twice this year, managed to spend more quality time with TaiLoh’s family and Emily’s. This ‘out of sight, out of mind’ thingy really effective lah, human needs to spend time and effort to nurture ‘relationship’ … I’m indeed glad I had that chance this year to do more ….

I went hiking, roller skating with Kevin, Marco and Janice. Listened to the Tai’s orchestra (violin, piano and guitar). Listened to their secrets, enjoyed their laughs, hugs and actions. Also ate a lot of yummy food, spent the most expensive seafood dinner in my life so far HKD 2000.

Glad that Emily met a ‘kuai yan’ – introduced her a designer job in LA, so she quit her long hours restaurant job, moved from super ‘ulu’ Bishop, started her new life again in March. I was extremely pleased to be there with her sharing her good news. Thrilled to meet her twice this year, we made a trip to Santa Monica beach and Mexico Tijuarna. The trips was fun because we got to talk to each other and built the relationship….we got closer! I also celebrated Benji’s birthday, home alone with him – watched DVD, ate popcorn, cuddled each other, had wonderful chit chat, played computer games together, put him to bed, enjoyed being a baby sitter, why --- the connection time was superb, a good night kiss, a hug with smiles from him - my heart melted liow. Also, most important, he remembers those valuable time ….and he asked about me, he ‘think of me’ , hahaha

Lalalililatappong, teddy bear, mum and myself spent relaxing time at Kuantan cherating beach during CNY. Teddy bear hardly traveled outside of KL, we had to make a lot of adjustments having him around, people kept saying why so mah fan brought him along…..My stand was – yes, mah fan, but still ‘do-able’, don’t give excuses, after all, leaving him alone at home every time is not good, so kesian ! ….So, we made it – we enjoyed the relaxing trip. Hey, Teddy bear sun-bathing at the beach leh ….don’t play play :)

Met with Louise and Gary. They still look the same. We had great fun time visiting Napa Valley, Reno, Roseville. I enjoyed their company so much. It was really blessed for having them with me for that short duration! ---This was not planned at all, it just happened on the spot, I called this “durian runtuh”. I’ve thought of them often, always thinking to visit them in Wisconsin … Now, this wish is realized.

Bro-in laws, both started their own businesses. Hope they enjoy what they are doing, and earn well. Mum’s grandkids – all of them do well in their studies. Smart family , hehehe.

Lalalililatappong depressed once, so frustrated with work ( just like me back in mid 2001 to mid 2002 ) … we were glad she finally got thru that difficult time and switched to a new job. It is still not an easy job, but at least she smiles J

Teddy Bear is 38 years old this year. We celebrated his birthday at St. Paul’s church during the Social Day gathering. Paster also did a prayer and blessing for him. He gone thru some changes. He shed off some 3 KGs ( small but great achievement for him and from us la ). He doesn’t get mad, super moody and lose temper thesedays. This is a great blessing. I wish this last forever, please please reduce his fits frequencies …pls pls pls, it’s such a torture !

Connection with friends and my fun trips
March - A fun short cold trip to New York with Taipoh. First trip with her, she is a cool, calm, brave and adventurous lady. Being bahija, I was again aggressive. Explored NY in 3 days ( free and easy ), so tired, but I was happy, because I managed to visit all the places I wanted to go, thought it was a fast visit.
I jetlag and watched ‘Phantom of the Opera’ at the Broadway The Majestic theatre. Visited Rockerfeller center, Ground Zero, Statute of Liberty, MET, famous Central Park, United Nation HQ, Wall Street, Manhattan etc etc --- details – let me blog this in my Travelogue later

June 3 – 7, whole team 10 of us , made it to Mount Kota Kinabalu. We reached the submit on June 6. This was not a kiddy work. We hiked 16 hours in 2 days.
6 hours first day, 10 hours second day….The last 1 KM towards summit was like unreachable, I stopped for deep breathing every 3 steps. It was really a mental game …. Very very very the ‘san foo’, but being able to hit the submit, overseeing the whole world ( well, just Kota Kinabalu lah ) – the feeling and view were magnificent ! My thought was – we were so small as compared to the world, nature ….don’t sweat over small stuff , be happy, enjoy nature, treasure life ! The key thing I want to stress from Mt KK trip is that , we the team of 10, got closer, we started with 1 month of training – such as jogging, climbing stairs at Batu Caves, hiking in Bukit Melawati, it was such a joy, went thru the whole training, got connected, and spent the 4 days in Kota Kinabalu, of course there were some ups and downs along the journey, but all of us gone thru the hard time together, we were stronger, and had a sumptuous 'Heng Kong' dinner at Seremban :) - again, this I need to make an attempt to blog the details …..It only happened once … we are planning for breakfast at summit on 06-06-2006

Oct 16 – 24, Egypt tour with Ringgit, Anti-Ringgit and Miss Peace. Wonderful, exciting trip covered Cairo with nice relaxing Nile River cruise. A lot of stories and things happened to me personally, shall detail out in my travelogue later.

PL - my best friend, buddy in Uni time, we went thru a lot of great bad and sweet moments together…she got married, migrated to AU ..I’m happy for her ! I’ll come and see you one day, don't be a stranger !

Yaya – stayed in USA for > 10 yrs, applied PR for numerous times, FINALLY, this year, she got hers. Luck seem to be with her now, she settled down in TX, bought her first house, may she enjoys her home sweet home…..

Janice is engaged. She decided her path to migrate to Taiwan. It’s a difficult decision for her and her family. I wish her the truly best. Though I’m losing another buddy whom I can talk to.

Rotitelur and BoBo got married !! happy for them starting a new life chapter ..

Taipoh made her dream to Hawaii. HT and family moved from X to Y, Y to Z - bravo, I respect HT's courage - able to pursue her dreams !

Watched Irish Riverdance performance (Panggung Budaya) , The Lion King (Orpheum Theatre) , Saturday Night Fever (Panggung Budaya), Phantom of the Opera (musical and movie version)

Extremely lucky – things happened at the right time, first time traveled in Business class. Durian runtuh on top, upgraded to First Class….. geee …what a wonderful trip

One of my US xi foo retired, this was an opportunity for me in many ways …

I hardly read books. This year, I managed to read more ... broke record completed ‘Da Vincci Codes’ in 3 weeks ( that was due to my traveling, a lot of time at airport). During my July depression, somehow it ended positively. I read some nice books – ‘The Monk who sold his Ferrari’, ‘Follow your heart’, ‘Purpose driven life’ …started ‘Daily Bread’, ‘Experiencing god day by day’ and picture bible ….need to find more time to enhance this reading habit ...

Throughout the year, many many helping hands reached me. As I called them ‘kuay yan’ … I’m happy for that. Even the smallest thing one does for me, I do appreciate. Eg, an email to pass me an useful contact, a Hello call, helped with my yahoo photo descriptions ……and many many more …. A warn TQ to all !

Dec 17, broadband streamyx was setup at my home. Great news for me, more flexible for me to work from home, and support throughout the wee hours

Lastly, had a busy December, great birthday dinners and companies, and nice family Christmas dinner.

Dec 31, My whole family went to visit my late-daddy @ Nirwana this morning. I wished Dad happy new year as well, and silently asking him to bless for Emily, may she finds her happiness soon … Just came back meeting with my ex-colleagues, some are my friends already, happy to see them !

The negative part would be ‘sense of accomplishment’ in my work is not there – and in 2004, I chose to shut off my mind on this topic.

Initially thought of ending this year with smiley face and count down tonight …. But the tragedy on 26/12 – make it so ‘cloudy’ ….

What an exciting year for me. Wishing all Happy New Year 2005. God blessed.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Can't hope for one thing ....

I was muhbat (depress in arabic) last night ...the best fit word shoud be sad.... my hope destroyed. Hope is good, gives me something to look forward , to work on - u know , just hope ... knowing this particular hope is not going to work, I'm damn dissappointed and heartbroken .....may be I should just cry out loud to release, may be I would feel better I being too 'my way', wanting it to follow my specification, may be ....
It hurts when I thought I give in my effort , time , etc etc , with no return ....

It's over , that was yesterday. I'm not going to analyze why, what , how .... just let it be , let go .... let me end this with a BIG SIGH - AIIII , okie . today I start my day aiming for farhaan ( happy ), easy said than done ...I'm trying my best !

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Thing Happen To Me For Reasons

Hi , here I am again ...working late with my US users , fixing problem

2 things that I want to 'blog down' : -

a) If my trip is ON, I doubt I can hop on to the flight as well this point, my boss needs me. So this is like god knows what will happen, and defer me upfront. Now, I can peacefully sit in front of my notebook, broadband, teleconfenrence - and do my job, avoiding a potential outage is the smartest cool thing, that is what I am paid for ....especially during this year end closing , boy boy boy I lucky or what ? :)

b) My counterparts and users are so so concern of me, all kept asking me AM I OK ? Some also prayed for my safety when they heard about Asia Tsunami .... geee...should I be grateful ? One of my user emailed me after I talked to her on the phone ...."I’m really glad to hear from you today – you don’t know how many emails I started yesterday – words were just so inept"

You know, knowing that someone is out there , concering about me - is indeed a blessing ....I have to pray for 'thankfulness' this early morning ! I'm not sure what I did to deserve all these good helper 'kuai yan' or good luck or good synchronicity. I truly appreciate them .... 10 Q !

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Trick to handle KPK Mah Lau

Hmm hmm, traditionally, blue for man, then pink color is for who ? you should know the answer ! This is to show you how 'boh leong sim' my friend is ...btw , 'boh leong sim' is in Hokkien means heartless. He owed me $$, I made multiple overseas calls, pull contact to get him his ipod, he refused to help ...and kept passing the ball to ringgit ..... this is the Kepong Mah Lau , you are the star today :P

Hey, your loop hole is so obvious , I highlighted in red , hahahahaha

Ringgit says:
see lar kepng mah lau.. u make miss opp marah

Mah Lau says:
i owe u money also

Ringgit says:
this kepong people memang like that one miss opp

Mah Lau says:
u call her miss opp.. i din make her marah

Ringgit says:
they ah piaw, suka kira, yong sui.

Mah Lau says:
i just tell him straight forward

Ringgit says:
u forgive him lar (and kepong mah lau also cannot differentiate gender)

Ringgit says:
eh .. mah lau, i come pick u up at 6, or we meet in 1u?

Ringgit says:
since u treat miss opp so bad, meet u in 1u lar

Ringgit says:
u ask miss i-love-to-eat-free-food to drop u in 1u.

Mah Lau says:
pick up, I go home now

Mah Lau says:
i get for her lor

Mah Lau says:
jusco 50, mph 30

Mah Lau says:
i owe her money

Ringgit says :
ha ha ha.. ok .. good .. kwai..

Mah Lau says :
i wanna pay her fastfast

Mah Lau says :

p/s : I don't expect Mah Lau to return favour or do anything for the ipod thingy .... I did it bcoz we r friends :)

Conversation with myself is the IN thing !

Last night - this thought came to me, why am I addicted to blogging ? Why am I talking to my imaginary friend ? Am I too depressed listening to 'Learn to be lonely' ? or watched too much CNN on the Tsunami news....

Tonight, the sync came to me goes to Ringgit. He directed my focus to odissi's blog. She has a few 'conversation with herself', so this is normal .... a place to 'san' , a place or a tool to capture what I'm thinking, my feeling and etc etc etc .... ok, friend, I'm back on business !

Undo and Redo

Back to this family trip I've planned for such a long long time ..since 3/2003. It has been postponed twice. At this point, I'm not sure if this is a sign / sync hinting to me to let go, erase this trip from my memory ... I even blogged a post to remind myself to stay cool, don't lose temper .... with all this anxious mind , I was worried .

But but today , i see a bit of light - yesterday called AirAsia - they insisted I pay penalty ( hundreds ) to change departure dates , I hang up didn't make sense - in my mind, I'm prepared to forfeit the 6 tickets ....

This morning, a friend said this to me early morning " something good might turn up, things happen for a reason" ....

After lunch, I called AirAsia - my first statement "Due to Tsunami, I am cancelling my flights to PG tomorrow, can I get refund ?' ( back then, I felt I was thick-face, day dreaming ) ..... the answer came back fast 'Sure" .... I was STUNNED. Within 3 mins, everything refunded to my credit card.

On top of this, I get to buy new flights from KLIA to Langkawi now - it is like UNDO, REDO. I couldn't believe I could actually fix the mess, now the trip is postpone to 2005, direct flight to Langkawi...........hassle free. ( we'll see if I make it to Langkawi's soil or not )

But , am I happy ..... a bit aje. I'm glad I could have a F.O.C chance to undo my mess. But if this is what it takes - a giant Tsunami tragedy for my second chance - that's too too too much liow. I didn't even call home to tell others this positive undo. What I will do now , is to get everyone at home to donate and help the needed folks. Thank you for this second chance.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Effective communication

growing with technology ...these are my communication mode :

with sisters / family - email, sms , msn , now one way blog + family dinners (sometimes we forgot there is this thing call 'phone' )

with far far away friends - email, msn

with ex-colleagues - mostly msn or yahoo, emails, sms

with US colleagues - emails, msn

with close friends - msn, one way blog

See the problem here ? I communicate using keyboard or using phone pad. I'm losing the personal touch meet up , to see / show the facial expression .....sometimes, I can chat more with friends on msn, then to sit down talking face to face ....geee, this is so unhealthy, isn't it ? I hardly use my office phone, house phone or cellphone .... my sms billing is high !

Then lately, addicted to blog, I'm treating this blog as my invisible doll now ( u know, those imaginary friend during childhood ) .... I boot up my pc, eagerly write down the thoughts ..... like talking to my imaginary buddy ... is this healthy ? does this do me any good ? dah lah I work remotely alone in CJ, I talk to my notebook super often ( I am famous for this - everyone in office knows ) , how leh ?

Having said this, I appreciate msn, my youngest sister and brother communicate with me more often via msn. We have more intimate conversations ....

well, just have to balance things, make the most comfortable choice, i suppose !

Appreciate Life !

This link is posted on mystic_grey's blog ... nice, and I am keeping this here, for me to re-visit anytime.

Abstract :- " The irony of life is that it is not in the “highs” of life, but in the weaving of the ordinary happenings of our ups and downs, the joys and pain of life that we will really find the deeper meaning of life. We need to value the “ordinary” and be grateful to what we already have in life. " this point, I just need to appreciate life , anything can happen ...

The sad story now is the the tsunami waves triggered by an 8.9 magnitude underwater earthquake, which happened yesterday morning.... It is indeed sad , the number of casualties are still increasing, it involved the lost of many homes, many valueable lives, CNN announced 14,000 people had died ....cancelling or postponing my family trip is nothing as compared to those who lost their loved ones, home and future ....

I lost my momentum to go to cave and reflect for 2004 .....

updates after a woke up call :-
My US boss just saw CNN, shocked with the news and quickly called me while I was dreaming, he was worried about his staffs ....see, he 'appreciate his staffs' -a phone call to check on us here. Dockers Pant also just smsed - said that this tragedy reminded her of valueing life .... so,i changed this title from 'cannot think of one' to 'appreciate life' now ...

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Santa Claus

Teddy Bear Santa Claus Posted by Hello

Ho Ho Ho !! This is Teddy Bear, the treasure of our family , he is mentally retarded, but he is a sweet cute giant baby. Tonight, Teddy Bear happened to dress up in red , so we decided to stick some white facial tissues on his face, put on a santa claus cap - and transformed him into santa claus ..isn't he cute ? The good thing is no need to stuff his tummy ... He has the size and 'gaya' as Santa Claus :) , watch for the one , he could be 'choy san yeh' ( God of Fortune )

My family - first christmas dinner ...

Merry Christmas !!
I've had a few big christmas dinners overseas. This time, this year, I celebrated with my own family, in KL @my lovely small little home. This was made possible with Emily's help. Emily and her son, Benjamin, are from Los Angeles, they are back visiting us, and they brought us this 'christmas mood and atmosphere'...... I truly missed those fun time celebrating with my friends, American host families and my sisters' relatives back in US.

Tonight, I got to know the feeling was so different at different time, different location with different companies ... Been reflecting on a lot of old things or people or events which have gone past my life lately .... and I suppose it leave me with this - "enjoy every moment, coz it only happen once", the repeat is never the same ..... also, snap photos !!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Taking a test !

The Daily Bread’s topic on Dec 22 was ‘small spark, big fire’ … it means :-

One careless word can be a spark,
Igniting anger into flame,
It can destroy relationships …

Words can’t break bones,
But they can break hearts.

Ringgit, while driving home, this message came to my mind. It was meant for me, not for your bonnie lah …

My weakest point is being impatient. I used to lose my temper easily, and said things which hurt my loved ones or friends deeply. This has been one of my major focus to improve or to get rid of. I tried golfing, yoga or meditation, as well as taking some temple’s drinks. I see improvements on myself thesedays, as I don’t get stress out or angry easily, may be aging plays a role here. Oh, I also learn from watching Amazing Race, those couple who fight and lose temper with each other – will not perform well …people don’t like to be scolded anyway, must respect others …

I know I’ll be put on test soon !! I’m nervous here, writing this down is to anticipate and remind myself to be calm and be cool …. Just within this week, 4 person said that I’m a ‘nice person’ ….Bahija, pls pls pls, I don’t want to destroy this nice image …

I’m organizing a family trip to Langkawi next week. This trip is a total screw up at this point …I hate myself for being stingy, trying to save cost. Now, a nice free and easy trip is put in jeopardy ! aiiii ….. My family will have to wake up super early at 5 am, spend half day do nothing in Penang , then take 2 hours ferry to Langkawi, skip some sightseeings, also waste a lot of time and more $$$ trying to patch things up within the short schedule, and a lot of other inconveniences. Thinking of it now is a total disasters, a nightmare… It will not be a pleasant trip especially traveling with young kid, I can imagine those negative moments :(

Gosh, I’m prepared and expecting grievances. However, I pray and demand myself to keep calm throughout the whole trip, when things go wrong, please handle well with care, don’t lose temper …be cool and happy …remember – it is suppose to be a fun loving memorable family trip. Don’t do something or say something to ignite the fire ! Apply the inner peace thingy I’ve learned so far, and pass this test !!! That’s all I ask from myself … and end this 2004 with a memorable trip - i hope !!

Mel, Anita, Emily, Benji and Mum – I’m so sorry for this lousy job – please forgive me !

1 more working day !

Howdee, yuh so so fast ....mix feeling now ...

Happy - as i have JUST 1 more working day - then wrap up 2004 ... I dedicated that last day to compile and prepare my 2004 self assessment report.

Happy - I am on vacation AGAIN !

Happy - Secret Agent started blog today and already announced his addiction .... :)

Happy - 9th week, still talking about Egpyt and Habibi ....

Sad - 2004 is ending , my great year is ending :(

Sad - still hasn't gone to the cave to compile my2004

Sad - still waiting for habibi to keep in touch with me ...

Be happy for others !

Back in July, I was experiencing depression. It wasn't that severe. It was more like the normal up and down cycle that one has to go thru once a while.

See, I kept saying 2004 was great year. Things happened to me for reasons. I went thru the depression by reading some books, and attended counceling sessions - so lucky yeah , got to attend free counseling sessions. It was about managing Emotion Quadrant (EQ). I learned, I gained my inner peace of mind .....

Today, IQ alone is not sufficient, or will not bring one to success. One needs to manage the EQ as well. Those includes our soul, our body and our spirit. When one emotional needs are frustrated , it will caused psychosomatic illness such as insomia, asthma , migrane, suicide etc.

I learned from the sessions on how to maintain high EQ. Our body produce a 'happy hormone' called Endorphins , which has the most positive effect among hormone produced in the brain, make many of our organs healthy. When they are secreted continuously and spread to the whole body, the body becomes healthier.

For High EQ , one shall gain Endorphins thru :
1. Feel Well ( peace, joyful and rest well )
2. Has stronger immunity
3. Be positive, be happy
4. Be thankful

5. Exercise

Example quated by the therapist was : " when your friend got promotion or buy big car, you should sincerely congratulate friend, and share the joy, instead of being jeaous, felt bad, talk bad behind, as doing so, it won't bring any good to you ? learn to be positive, optimistic, with open heart, share the joys, and the good things may flow to you as well ... "

Well, my comment on this is - I usually don't feel jealous when others are doing good, because I believe in those who work hard, deserve their shares. But being human being, sometimes we are tempted to the dark force - and be an evil ..... :). I've been trying to be happy, be positive and maintain high EQ as far as I could least my mind constantly remind me to do so .... Even my name 'Bahija' is 'happy' in arabic :)

Today, my secret agents told me a few un-announced promotions ..... I felt great and happy for their achievement ( sincerely ) .... so, my thought now is - hey, I master my EQ well eh ! If I sincerely happy for them, will the good things flow to me soon ? wahahaha ....what a dream !!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Christmas greetings to Louise and Gary Hansen

Hi there. I decided for a change this year. Instead of sending you christmas card and photos, this year we recall some sweet memories :)

This is dedicated to both of you – my extended american family.
One of my exciting event for 2004 – was to meet with you face to face in FM. I remembered very well the last time we met, was 8+ years ago in Warrensburg, Missouri. It was a cold winter, both of you drove 2 hours from Jefferson City to attend my commencement ceremony.

In March, I was nervous on the way to fetch you from Sacramento airport, why ? hey – I’ve not met you for 8+ years, and you were going to stay with me for 3 days … would there be a gap between us ? what to talk to you about, what to anticipate ? There were some worries despite the overwhelm joy of having both of you. Besides the multiple flight delays and heavy snow storms – to me, your visit was so fruitful and blessed ! I received all the updates that I’ve missed for 8 years, hahaha..great job ….good story tellers !

We had great fun enjoying each other’s company, under the California’s sunshine. I wish to spend thanksgiving or Christmas with you , then we could bring back the histories and laugh at them during the sumptuous meal … this is a do-able wish though, just don’t know when ?? Don’t be surprise, a special Santarina could knocked on your door !!

Anyhow, some highlights of the memorable things that I miss or vice versa :-

Things that I miss :-
* My Chevrolet car – Gary and Mary Jane’s son helped me find the best car in town – for USD2500. I gained my ‘legs’ and FREEDOM !!
* Met Roxy, the lovely faithful dog – she was a cool black sweetie
* Baked my first apple pie – the ugliest one we’ve ever seen ..
* Gary’s yummy fresh homemade tomato sauces, salsa, spaghetti sauces and the most delicious spaghetti ( till now, I still cannot find one restaurant that can match his standard ….. I truly miss it so so so much )
* My cozy comfortable country style room ( in Jefferson City )
* The fun trips travelled along with you to Virginia, Wisconsin, Chicago
* The Harley Davidson’s ride along the breezy mountain roads
* The pheasant and deer hunting experiences, and a walk into the mini jungle and some fruit plantations
* A visit to the African American’s church – great choir with excellence voice – fun to see 1 white, 1 yellow skin creature among the blacks – can imagine ?
* The confusion and fun time from our differences in language, culture, upbringing and thinking
* Prepared Chinese stir fried rice, eggrolls for you and guests
* Meeting all your fun loving friends and family members
* Drove Gary’s big big van (that is how I called it …it was really huge for me)
* Snow, white christmas, christmas tree, Louise’s piano songs, warm air from chimney, the nice aroma smell from burning sandalwood or other woods Gary collected and chopped from his yard – oh , I am depress now at this point :(

Things I don’t miss :-
* Being naked in the gym’s sauna room – I’m too oriental, haha. It was such a horrible experience. I don’t know if I could do this another time. Some friends told me to enjoy hot spring or bath house in Japan. One has to be naked ….gosh :(

* Meatloaf or steak dinner – too meaty….though the beef tasted fresh, better and sweeter than those in my country, but given a choice, I will skip …
* Tornado night – so scary …..
* Fleas bites – I had horrible bites all over my body. So itchy. Louise also had to sprayed the whole house to remove the fleas - nightmare…fleas in my body, my hair …disgusting !!

Can you recall all these ? Are these good topic during your christmas dinner this year ?

Louise and Gary, it is truly a blessing knowing both of you !
Merry Christmas , have a wonderful celebration – ‘Think of Me’ !

Btw, Phantom of the Opera movie version is showing in the theatre now, not as good as the musical, but worth the effort and time to watch, enjoy the lovely songs !! ( ‘Think of Me’ is one of them …)

Love you always - Kim

My christmas tree

My masterpiece - first christmas tree :) Posted by Hello
I spent half Saturday afternoon setting her up, she still needs some make up though ( lightings ). so proud ! At night, swtich off all the room lights, and just relax, listen to xmas songs - next to her :)

Monday, December 20, 2004

My special day !

Today is my birthday ... it is such a blessing having almost everyone at home celebrating with me (except my brother's family in Hong Kong - but he also remembered and wished me ). I don't often get this big crowd or full family attendance, so I truly appreciate and treasure those special moments :) all my family members - I love you !!

Then, my friends - near and far - those who remembered - really make my day ... it is the thought that counts, and a simple sms wish does the magic !! :)

So, how I felt on 20/12 , heart melted, felt extremely sweet, very very very happy .... and ended this special day with 'Phantom of the Opera' ....great songs !! 2004 - i watched it 3 times liow.

p/s : there is only 1 thing - fated cannot get - flower ... :P

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Tired - zzzzzz

This is the bad thing I don't like about my job. Late night support. It is now US time morning, peak time. My team mates are enjoying their Christmas vacation. Here, I am , cannot enjoy my sweet dream :( , ai .... this is very bad for health ...I get extremely tired the next days , ai :( .

I'm so tired, I doubt I can think clearly now ...but if I go to sleep, guarantee I will miss the pagers or phone calls later ...then I kena escalation and warning from management , so so champ

While waiting for my jobs to complete , I'm writing this - to keep myself awake, no one on MSN liow , no one to chat with me ......hmmm :(

Okie, I shld be lucky for being able to sleep well, till thunderstorm also I won't notice ... but but with my support job ....2 yrs ago, when I first started on call job, it was such a torture. Have you heard of people purposely screw up their good sleeping pattern ? well, I am THE ONE. When I was on call then, I panicked, scared I wouldn't be able to wake up when US folks call or page me ..... so paranoid. ( of course la, I received warnings from my manager for missing the Service Level Agreements - didn't look good on me ... I want to jaga image ).

Aiiii, I tell you, $$ cannot buy health, happiness and good sleep ( a sleep without any worries - and just sleep like a baby ) ..... :(

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Growing up ...

I have 7 nieces and nephews. 3 born in Malaysia. 3 born in Hong Kong and 1 born in USA. Luckily, we are Malaysians, can speaks Cantonese, Hokkien, English , and rojak whatever way we want :)

Time files …I used to take care of the eldest niece when she was baby (from month zero). Her name is Josephine. Today, she is 14 years old, entering her teenager world. She reads ‘All American Girls’, fancy ‘Galaxy’ magazines, hates to follow parents for outings. Tonight, at my house, she wanted to know how to install and setup MSN, because her friends are using MSN for online chatting. She wanted to know how to find and copy digital music as well, she likes itunes now.... eh, how come her new interests same as my lifestyle ?? …only that I don’t read teenager books and Galaxy magazines ! hmm, need to introduce blog to them, let them capture their young life experiences ...

My point is – my little nieces are growing up. The 3 malaysian born nieces know how to bake cake, make ‘pan mee’, do simple cooking, do house chores. They are learning sewing soon….wow , they are better than me wor. I’m getting old old old !!!

Good chat with my neighbour – all because of Streamyx

Story goes like this, I’ve been staying in my own house for 14 months. Moved in last year October 15, 2003. My mum made the decision to remove the fence between my neighbours and replaced with a 5 ft wall. When I arrive home from work, I use autogate, drive my car into car porch, then head straight into my house. I don’t see or talk to my neighbours. Imagine, staying here for 14 months, I don’t know them at all !! When I see them, I only smile, say Hi to them .. that’s all …what a friendly person am I ? May be my neighbours think that I am anti-social.

Today is my second day with broadband, still excited and happy. This morning, when I met my next door neighbour (on my left). I shared my broadband news, and asked if he has applied. Viola, we started chatting, from broadband, to wireless, to router etc …. See, this is a good start, I get to know my neighbour and build relationship …..good start, and I give credit to Tmnet streamyx. Next, let me use this topic with my other neighbour ( on my right ), hope we click !!

My first christmas tree !

Wahahaha ... I'm proud of myself. I created my masterpiece - my first christmas tree. It was so fun unpacking my canadian tree, setting her up, dressing her :). The theme is winter breeze - with purple and silver ! She is not done yet, still need to add more lights on her ....make her shines more :) .... Ho Ho Ho ..Merry Christmas !!

Due to some technical problem, I have yet to upload the photo link here .... share her picture later yeah !

Friday, December 17, 2004

I FINALLY have my Streamyx !!

Gosh , this feeling is so GOOD, so excited. I've been waiting for broadband for 9 months. Today, finally get it installed, the long anxiety brought this super excitement ! HAHAHA....What a great gift for me ...

Now, I can work from home more often, can netmeeting, can have late night meetings or super early meetings - ALL at home, besides my bed - YEY

What a wonderful world :)

The Gift of Family

I read ‘daily bread’ before I go to bed, it is a nightly task. Tonight's topic is ‘The Gift of Family’ – the fifth of the Ten Commandments says :”Honor your father and your mother”.

Guess, this is another synchronicity or a message from God to me … Today went out lunch with 2 close friends from work. Our topic was ‘family’. Both friends are having some family problems, their younger siblings are not independent, and don’t show respect or care for their parents. They are working adults but still depend on parents for financial supports, selfish, self-centered and always take things for granted. Their behaviour caused depression on parents and family arguments.

I, on the other hand, told my friends humbly, that my family members are all independent, we respect each other and help each other whenever possible. Come to think of it, I just want to say ‘god blessed’. Again, I’m grateful....We should treasure the special bonding between us…and cherish each other !

Wish my friends can settle their family problems soon – it is not an easy task. I don’t know how to help, other than prays for you.

Seize each moment we have to love and honor our families. The opportunity won’t last forever !!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

When Things Go Wrong

This just came into my mailbox ...pasted here , for me to re-visit !

The world isn't going to devote itself to making you happy! Once you accept that, you'll begin to move forward. Life doesn't always work the way you want it to. Paul wrote, "Whensoever I take my journey into Spain, I will come to you" (Ro 15:24). But he never got there; instead he landed in prison. But from there, he wrote the epistles.

Look out! Your disappointment may turn out to be - God's appointment. The Bible says, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Aren't you glad God's in control of your life? Let the philosophers argue over why life works as it does; just focus on how to live it! If you live to be a hundred, what good is it if resentment and regret keep you from enjoying a day of it? And what good is more time, if you're just wasting the time you've got?

Remember how an oyster makes a pearl? When a grain of sand gets into its shell, instead of resisting it the oyster wraps it in layer after layer of beauty till a pearl is formed. The poet said, "This tale has a moral for isn't it grand, what an oyster can do with a morsel of sand; and what couldn't we do if we'd only begin, with some of the things that get under our skin."

God is working in everything you're going through today, for your good and His glory. So let it make you better, not bitter.

Inconsiderate rich lady driver ….

At the carpark, this bodoh lady driver – driving E200 big nice Mercedez…but she was so bad in parking. She took such a long time to reverse her car out of the parking lot ( masuk, reverse, masuk, reverse, repeated many many times ). Gee… I was waiting for her, and another car was behind me. See, she needs to learn from both us, the nice civilized folks, we patiently waited.

What I don’t understand is why can’t she has some self-awareness, or be considerate lah, let others pass by first, so that she can take all the times she wants to reverse …nobody cares ! such an arrogant bodoh lady …..If I were her, hire a chauffeur lah, adui.

Phobia Symtom !

This christmas will be a meaningful one for me and my family. My second sister and her son from Los Angeles are coming home for Christmas …. She asked to setup a Christmas tree and organized a reunion dinner. Today after work, I went to Ikea – couldn’t find any Christmas trees – disappointed. Then drove to 1Utama. Jusco is selling the trees and ornaments … This was my first time seriously looking at buying and setting up Christmas tree. Besides the costly items, I am lost …. I don’t know what theme to choose, what kind of ornaments to buy, what color, what shape etc ….I stood at the central count around those nice decorated Christmas trees, just didn’t know what to do. My brain stopped functioning. I think I have this phobia symptoms … whenever I need to get involved with ‘design’ kind of tasks …I just go blank …not wanting to decide. If you come to my house, you can see that my house lightings are all the same…mono style ! I don’t have kitchen cabinets and wardrobe ..why ? because I hate to think and design what should be there … I wish someone – my ‘kuai yan’ will show up soon, and volunteer to help me, please ….

Back to Christmas tree, guess I need to drag my sisters to go shopping with me ....else there won’t be any tree then !

Am I Jealous ?

Ringgit said woman is easily jealous of another woman, is this true ?
I had dinner with greedy and ringgit. May be I was too tired, my mind just wandering and start thinking nonsense. The conversation of the night was on work related topic and being a manager, how to manage different kind of people etc…. Greedy seems to enjoy her leadership and management role. She started to get a feel of it and playing the management games ….

So then, what does this has to do with me ? hmmm….well, I didn’t feel good at the end of the conversation wor. Ringgit said I jealous of Greedy .... I kept thinking was it true ? should I ? Am I ?? Why ?

The answer is obviously NOT. I’m grateful that I left my previous company, so that I can walk slowly now, take time to enjoy the flowers, the greens along the road …..take time to improve my soul and be with my family more often…Greedy and myself are aiming at different priorities, so there is no common ground to compare and be jealous about! Likewise, I am proud of my achievement, I felt contented and grateful for what I have ….and still learning to be a better person, searching for my purpose of life !

So, why am I sad then ? after thinking and analyzed for 1 day, I guess I am lost in the working life, the sense of achievement and sense of belonging are not as great as I want or should be …… Ideally I have my dream job now, a job that is extremely stable for me, from 8 – 5:30, and on call support after working hours. My work assignments are scheduled, well planned, even ad-hoc tasks – I can handle them easily ….in short – this job is less stress, as compared to my previous one. When I first joined this company 2.5 years ago, I had a hard time adjusting, no more traveling to external customer sites. I only sit still in office and work alone remotely. During my working hours, I have no team mate to discuss, to talk to, to gossip and no Bonnie to handle…Now, you know how I gradually turn myself into ‘peace of mind’ kind of person :).

I kept telling people I am so lucky for having this job. But good thing usually doesn’t last long ….to continue staying and excel in my current company, I need to venture to other ‘new area’ …this ‘new area’ is the key problem to my depression, my sadness for many times … is like in dilemma, lost, cannot see the next path, don’t know the next steps to go / to do / to plan. There are opportunities which arrive on my door step, but I rejected them because I am reluctant to relocate to Penang. I guess I could find an easy solution if I relocate …but would I be happy ?

Bahija, you need to let go those decisions that you’ve firmly made, those are history, never look back and regret …. Life is moving forward, so continue to move forward, open the mind, try to accept changes, have faith and confidence in yourself that you are still valuable, and the future is or will be better !
Last but not least, remember that job is just a job. Don’t get too caught up with ‘job’ and forget about other more important priorities …’s not worth the time, effort to devote whole life just on job, career and ways to earn money … enjoy a simple and hopefully a meaningful life !

Sunday, December 12, 2004

3 more weeks !

3 more weeks and 2004 is ending ....gosh , so fast !
2004 is such a wonderful year for me - I would rate this year 'Excellent' ! wish 2004 doesn't come to an end. But nvm, 2005 would be the same or better as well -:)

OK, I need to go to the cave, be alone and list down the key things for this year ...

Wedding - fun or fan ?

December is a 'ong' month for weddings. I have a few friends who are involved in the wedding preparations for their family members or friends. Most of them have their own stories to complain and worry. I just think, why make things so complicated and get ourselves stress out for weddings wor …. Shouldn’t it be a process where both the bride and groom should enjoy the walk into their marriage life peacefully with sweet memories ? So far, I have not heard of one couple among my friends who went thru this without dissatisfaction.

This weekend, I attended a friend’s wedding dinner on Saturday, then helped up as ‘chee mui’ on Sunday morning. Thesedays, most of us ( the chee mui ) can only tahan half day till 12 noon. After the ceremony at the groom’s place, we usually headed home, and crawled to our bed for a rest … just felt so exhausted after the ceremony. I wonder how the bride and groom can go thru the whole complex ceremony, without having headache or taking pain killer !

Personally, I find this Chinese wedding ceremony tedious and a waste of energy, involved too many people and things, not forgetting the cost as well. Some couple spent RM 20k for weddings …siow ! However, to the old folks, those are the things expected and can’t be avoided, else cold war will happen.

Janice, the next bride to be in 2005, her mum initially openly said she doesn’t have to go thru the traditional ceremony. But when reality comes, her mum now changed her mind and insisted for the traditional ceremony. So, there she goes ….her pening moment is coming soon ! And I am preparing my ears and hands-free kit to listen to her ‘san’ pretty soon ….

Then something on the western side, last friday night, I was in Cyberview Lodge for company dinner. There was a westen roman style garden wedding. The whole garden was decorated with nice flowers and candles, and a jazz band performing live music, formal dress code, all looking good and elegant…. this was something different from the Chinese wedding that I always attend. Most of the ladies in my group - mata besar, and mouth kept saying ‘oh, so so romantic, so nice …so sweet …..’, guess in our mind, we were dreaming of our garden wedding kut !

OK , 3 days surrounded with ‘wedding’ , I have enough …..

I’m glad to be there for my 5’ 9” tall friend’s wedding. May she enjoys her new chapter of life …

Friday, December 10, 2004

Synchronicities !

I am a fan of ‘believe’ thesedays …..I believe that ‘everything happens for a reason’ , believe in ‘peace of mind’… so like a ‘pai san poh’ ( in Cantonese )

Last week, I was in Penang meeting my bosses and attending trainings. To my amazed, the power of ‘believe’ can lead to this new word I learned – ‘synchronicity’. I found this definition from internet :- “Synchronicities are people, places or events that our soul attracts into our life – to help us evolve or to place emphasis on something going on in our life. The more ‘consciously aware’ we become of how our soul create – the higher our frequency goes and the faster our soul manifest. Each day our life will become filled with meaningful coincidences – synchronicities – that we have attracted – or created in the grid of our experiences in the physical. Do be careful. Synchronicities can go nowhere as they just occur to make a point. We must look at the bigger picture of the synchronicity – not the event. Look at the underlying facts when the synchronicity occurs to be sure we know why we attracted the person / situation into our life”

Faham ? I think there were some small coincidences happened before in my life. But this time it is so frequent, obvious and ‘dahsyat’. Like haunting me…. Let me just briefly list down the coincidences:

Nov 28, logged on chatting with friend, and visited a website; saw a pyramid picture on the website. Well, felt happy because I just visited Egypt 2 months ago, the sweet memories are still fresh in my mind …..

Nov 29 morning, attended a class. It was like a magic, for a moment, I turned my face looking at the whiteboard, and saw ‘Pyramid brand’ mineral bottle, straight in front of my face, question how come in front of me? never aware of ‘pyramid brand’ mineral bottle before this …. So , coincidence tak ?

Nov 29 night, I was in hotel, switching the TV channels, suddenly, saw the Petronas 4WD Expedition on TV2. Guess where were the troop at ? Bingo – Egypt ! I saw the Philae Temple, Aswan, Nile River, Cairo, Pyramid etc …gosh, it was so fun bringing back the Egypt memories … Please note, I am not a fan of local TV channels, I HARDLY watch them. Now, it just happened at the right time, right spot …. What was that ? kiew or not ? My conclusion – those pyramids signs lead me to this TV show !

Nov 30, on the way to office. Had conversation with my cab driver. Somehow, he kept talking about ‘driving safely’, practice good attitude, no speeding etc. Then later of the day, I was taking my company’s shuttle bus to another campus, the shuttle driver also talked about ‘drive safely, steady and safe’ … hmm, being in the strong soul dilemma , I quickly analyzed, may be it is the sign / message to me – to drive safely, not to speed, be extra careful and alert ! I told myself – remember this and practice this ! True enough. Yesterday, on my way home from work, there was this 4WD which was trying to avoid another car, and almost hit me. Luckily I was practising safe driving, else I think I would be hit badly ...god blessed.

Dec 1, Ringgit has been actively introducing ‘blog’ to me. Today, Ringgit emailed me, trying to influence me to start my own blog. I don’t like to write, because I am not good at writing, and kept quiet. However, I agree that reading a good blog improves my knowledge. I was introduced to this good blog called ‘living in Egypt’. The writer shares good thought and her personal life surviving in Egypt…. However, at that moment, my decision on writing my own blog = NAY. Contibbnue part II next morning ..

After work, I went for shopping, wanted to buy this computer game ‘Children of the Nile’ for my LA nephew. Stepped out from cab, walked into the first store, and viola, the game was right in front of me … aiyuh, whole transaction is less than 1 minute. ‘Children of the Nile’ is not a popular game where one can easily find from the shelves ( well at least not to my knowledge )…..YET, this was like a miracle, it happened extremely smooth without zero hassle …

Dec 2, 6 am in the morning, while sitting in the cab, nothing to do, so flipped thru the newspaper. The first page that I flipped to, page 10 I think. There was this big red color font titled ‘BLOG IS THE WORD’ …. WOW, cat chow pak chow (in Cantonese) – dah signaled to me ….I was shocked, what was happening? Before I knew of ‘synchronicities’, I was paranoid, takut … now, I try to analyze the message from this co-incident ! See see, there you go, I am here putting down the thoughts and events in my life, interesting juga !

Dec 3, Ringgit told me he received red letter from Income Tax (meaning need to settle outstanding tax money with IRB). Gee, I didn’t feel good at all … deep in my heart, I knew something is going to replicate to my end as well, nevertheless, I wasn’t caught up with this thought for long, as I was anxious to leave Penang and heading home to KL !

Dec 4, so so so so ‘hak’ and sad. True enough, I also received red letter from Income Tax. What can I say ? However, this incident may not be a true co-incident as I do owed IRB tax money for years, so this is the right time to chase after me :(

Ringgit and myself seem to have this strong synchronicities especially on things related to Egypt. I wonder, did we ter-minum anything from Egypt ? If yes, right here, I would like to ‘soul-dream’ for 1 request – some bonus to settle my income taxes – twenty twenty four, magnum, due before my first instalment !! please ……

Helping Hand

This morning, a friend emailed me. I have not heard from him for ages (many many moons liow). I was surprised and happy to hear from him. It was just a 'hello, how are you doing' kinda email. He told me he is visiting Bali in January'05 , hahaha ...what a coincidence again hor !

Yesterday, a colleague pula found out I am visiting Bali in February, and he passed me the contact number of the Bali tour guide..

On top of this, my citibanker also told me he just came back from Bali, and gave me the useful information...

Wow, life is so blissful .... these are what I called my 'kuay yan' - the helping hands, and they just come to me when I needed them .... I'm grateful for this !

Day dreaming a bit, I wish the Bali tour guide would be as good, as funny, and as charming as my Egypt tour guide.

Dinner with Miss Artificial

Yaya.. Egypt again, tonight myself and my tour mates went for dinner and met up with this woman whom we met during the Egypt trip. She likes to spend time beautify herself and apply thick makeup. So, we called her Miss Artificial :P
( she looks pretty, young at her age and has smooth skin complexion – I’ll categorized her as those rich ‘tai tai’ )

She is a down to earth lady. I had great time laughing at the way she described her rude sister, full of action and facial expression …At first, I thought she was a bimbo. However, I was wrong, I guess. The conversation with her tonight was fun, and she seems to know what she wants. I like her because I think she is somewhat sincere, not fake. She openly shares her thoughts, be it positive or negative. I would call her ‘cute’ ….

I admired her plan to complete the 7 wonders by next year. I am impressed when she saw the winter palace photo at Luxor, and she straight away liked it and noted down for a hardcopy print for herself. Surprised she knows the famous author who stayed there before, even read the book as well ….see see, even till now, I still don’t know who leh ? hahaha

Never judge anyone by its looks ….got to spend time knowing each other , and find the inner beauty , I guess ….

Monday, December 06, 2004

Relaxing Sunday !

Today is a quiet Sunday. There is no support call, no wedding or birthday dinner to attend, and no family dinner as well , yahoo ! …I'm looking forward to this peaceful and quiet weekend. I decided to give my home a clean look. First started with washing 3 loads of clothes (red, black and white), then sweeping and mopping the floors, cleaning the cabinets, gardening, cleaning my car porch driveway, cooking dinner and cleaning the toilets. The fun part of cleaning is that no TV or potato couch, instead tuned in to music, listen to my favorite songs while actively exercising .... Today I have bonus, I found a favorite song 'we could be in love' by Lea Salonga & Brad Kane. I've always wanted to find out the title of this song, but never did ... now I HAVE the song !! To the friend who gave me all the nice songs - 10Q. A good song is enough to spice up my day !
I ended my cleaning session with home spa tea light aroma shower and self kuah sah. It is a good way to de-stress or recharge myself ! Time's up, tomorrow, I need to go to office early and talk to someone ( today I've not open my mouth ).

Reaching the end of the day, here I am, writing my first blog, hope I enjoy doing this, be able to capture some up and down of my life, and do some sharing with friends and family.

Hmm hmm, to my sisters who are reading this, let me introduce you to this cool little gadget called 'ipod' by Apple, just in case you are thinking high low on something since December xx is around the corner.