Thursday, March 24, 2005

something seriously wrong .....

Ring ring ring, "Ah Bahija, I don't want to go Langkawi this weekend liow" ordered from Ah Ma.... Bahija heartbroken. This original trip was supposed to be on July 2003 - SARS, postponed to Dec 2004 - Tsunami, then postponed to NOW 2005 ..... still may be tak jadi :(

I remembered I phobia tangan gementar when I clicked to purchase the air tickets ...there's just something not right with this trip or Langkawi .....I dunno ..i curious ...i .. i.. i speechless i guess. Lalalililatappong has been having fever continuously for 3 days, Ah Ma is worried about her. 3 days, now only called and informed the rest of the family members, so so so not 'kuay'. Hope thing is under control, Lalalililatappong will be OK soon, as I said earlier in previous blog, canceling a trip is nothing (dah lah I had 2 practises lioa) ...... in this case, we just want my dearest sister to recover, no fever.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

White water rafting

As I mature in life ..... I appreciate life more :) or in other words - 'more kiasi' - i guess everyone does , right ? Today lunch, we (my colleagues) talked about outdoor activities. So, last year, we conquered Mount Kota Kinabalu liow, this year brainstorming where / what to do ...

White water rafting was brought to the table flashed back to 6 to 7 years ago. I joined my ex-colleagues to Kuala Kubu Baru for white water rafting. Guess I'm a curious person, sometimes, I want to experience new thing, enjoy the journey of exploring new thing, want to find out, taste it, like it or not is another question. That's life to me, new experiences mah .....Bahija is not a sporty person, I failed all my sport subjects. Yet, dare to explore white water rafting.

Water rafting is not a super dangerous sport. There are some risks involved of course, but it is a fun sport. However, during my trip, it was a rainy season, the professional coaches had not been down to the river for days. On the Saturday morning, the river was quite rough. I supposed the mistake here was to allow the so called 'professionals' to let us continued the journey. Started with safety briefing, what to do, what to wear etc etc ....

The initial journey was very very fun ...then suddenly we were caught in a river 'tornado' - raft capsized, i was in the river, the heavy lunch box was above me, thus I struggled very hard to get myself out from the water .....was hit by the paddles, bleeding ...panicked also, cried. I almost reached my last nafas, almost mati .... din remembered how i got off from the trap, but I was pushed at least 3 km away by the strong current .....along the way - hit some rocks, passed thru pohon pokok etc - luckily didn't 'tercucuk' into those pohon, it was chaotic , hopeless situation, current so strong, I practically couldn't do anything, and let things happened 'No Choice'. Life's just so fragile then...Until the end, I was brought to a shallow river i got my life back, calmed down myself while holding on to a tree branch, shivered, gementar, muka pucat waited for long long time for rescue. Oh, I also realized that I didn't inform anyone about my water rafting trip. None of my family members knew my whereabout, so there was 'guilt' as well while was struggling in the river.

After the rescued, I chicken out all the way, Kman and I walked on the rocks by the river, we were so afraid of stepping into the raft ......( which was also not a smart decision - rocks apparently very slippery also ). But to conquer our Fear ....we rather not.

Question to me, will I ever try water rafting ? answer is may be -but the lesson here is - I need to be responsibled for my doings, to people who loves me. It's not a courtesy to inform them when I'm participating in a slightly risky sport/event, it is a MUST loh. Also, do my own homework, SAFETY comes first, cancelling a trip is nothing - as compared to losing a life, don't trust the 'professional' so much, preparation is important ..... (my mum still tak tahu this incident leh , oppppps ). Treasure life baik-baik yuh .....

Our sweeties

My sweety hit 200,000 km of mileage on March 11. I gave her an expensive charity car wash :), celebrated her great achievements, and long time service serving ME. Frankly, she's done a great job, she doesn't give me much problems, quite low maintenance.

This morning, Yaya asked me if I'm thinking of upgrading my sweety :( aiiiiiii, how wor , despite all the 'BS' on AFTA ya da ya price still increase by 5 to 10% effective June / July .....

Yaya, is so faithful with her sweety. It's still her FISRST and ONLY one so far. She welcomed her into her life in 1997, she's a 2 door sporty red Mitsubishi Mirage. Geee, she betul-betul can tahan life without car for such a long time during her Uni time :). Besides this, her sweety tak ada air-condition. This to me - is a NO NO. I just couldn't bring myself into a car without air-condition liow ..... too pampered liow. Yaya is still a simple down to earth person - truly treat her sweety as 'transportation' brings her from point A to point B, the rest tak kisah much ....Yuh, summer is super Hot where she's staying, I could imagined how she sweats, her face turns 'red red', hair wet when she reaches her destination :P . We comfort each other lah hah with a few good points - no need to pay instalment, unlock car also no one nak curi - peace of mind, and cheap insurance.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

I Got IT !!!!!

Tai Poh left USA a month ago, she's in Europe now. Each stop, she'll send a postcard to her fellow friends back home ...this is what I gathered from friends who have received the precious gift. I suppose I'm a bit 'jealous', or kiasu - coz secretly, I've been checking my mail box for the past 3 weeks - jenguk-jenguk to see if there is a postcard waiting for me :P

How could I ever have doubt on Tai Poh, or myself , shame shame shame ...I don't even have confidence in myself, lack of trust in our relationship .... but looking from other perspective, I'm so eager to hear from her mah , and value her precious gift so so much :)

Anyway, when I visited Italy years ago, I didn't had time to mail myself a postcard from Venice...wuahahaha, sometimes wonderful thing just happened - Tai Poh sent me a Venice postcard, so so lovely ..... and it really lights up my night , and coming days ( i'm sure ).

Tai Poh, I'm praying for your safety every nite since the day you started your journey ....hmmm, am I goin to receive another precious gift ????

Janice - 祝你 生日快乐 !!!!

Hmm hmmm, today my dear friend, Janice punya 'cow one'. well, 2 nice digits :). Wishing her the best, more sweet moment to come ....she's already in Taiwan !

It's a special day for me as well, coz today is the day she activated her gmail account. I've waited months to share with her my blog , finally, the invitation is extended on this special day :)

Janice, 3 things I wish you would add up in you basket TODAY - 1) activate MSN , 2) be a blogger , 3) Give me your first comment in my blog

Happy Birthday to YOU - rubber tree !!!

p/s - it's also my other Big Brother's Bday - Mr Soon To Be GM

Monday, March 21, 2005

Ice Skating Era

Monday blues , as usual ...hyper-active weekend, then Monday tired. hehehe . Then came lunch, went out with my fun loving colleagues ( mixture of various department) a big group. Lunch is the time where we park aside 'work' related issues/problems, it is a time to laugh, to talk about anything everything , for us to gain our endorphine ( remember apa ni tak ? - endorphine is the Happy Hormone from our body).

Anyway, today lunch - we talked about secondary school time - the ice-skating era. The male colleagues all laughing their way, sebab those were the fun time where they got to mix with girls, held their hands, taught the girls how to skate etc etc , kek kek lah, pretended offered help, but at the same time, got to hold hands as well ..... I pula had my version of story to tell. I tried that no more than 3 times. I remembered, when the boy came and 'helped' me, he ended up laid flat on the floor as well, then their face not so 'clear' liow....geee, so the scene was like Titanic - 'I fall , you fall'. Then hor, eventually, the boys ran away, and tak nak 'help' me liow, aiiiiii

Wednesday, March 16, 2005


This phrase '自找麻烦' literally means 'Sendiri (自) Cari (找) Pasal (麻烦)'. I said this to a friend, when he knew what's the 'right thing' to do, yet kept thinking on the object, deciding should own it or not .... of course, this is a personal choice, everyone is entitile to dream, to admire, to wish, to buy things that he/she likes, part of life mah , else life is so boring liow .....

Anyway, now , I myself am trapped in this phrase now. I am opening a can of worms, I bring myself to something that bothers me (which I have a choice of just shutting it off at the first place, but i didn't ) ......aiii, may be this is the woman thingy lah - being troublesome at times..

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Make a difference

Today I did a few things which I think are good ...
a) I sent a nice email to an editor, for all the hardwork she did endlessly - for the past 89 weeks. It's the end of the publication. She did some small little things (which others may not noticed) - but I think is important sometimes, for us to just slow down, take some time - just to smile, say Hi to the people we are working closely with .....after I sent her the nice email. I forwarded the email to her manager, seeking if she could be recognized. Great mind thinks alike, and her manager immediately replied me that he was already in the midst of preparing one for her, and he was amazed that I interupted him with the same thoughts :)

b) My company has a few sites, 2 in Northern part, 2 in KL and nearby. HQ is in PG. Whenever there are any talks, events or any activities, they are organized in Northern region. In a way, this creates an impression that my current work site is 'neglected' or 'ignored' ( it is a super small site ). HQ organized an "Investment Talk', and again, we didn't get it. So, I contacted the site HR manager, voiced the concern, trying to work out something 5pm, approval granted, the talk is going to be held in my working site as well ! I can't wait to spread the good news to my fellow colleagues tomorrow. Everyone wants to be 'special' sometimes, having the speaker onsite is a great privilege, and I'm sure my fellow colleagues will appreciate this, and speak highly on the management :)

c) A group of users from India are so frustrated trying to find out the owner of an application, because the data sent into their application is invalid, and causing hectic, sleepless nights to them. When this escalated to me, I'd to read an extremely LONG email with a lot of attachments and old old stories ....and I truly feel how frustrated they are - just trying to find the source owner ......I could have just replied email said 'Sorry, there's nothing related to me', but I decided to help them as much as I can. Called the team leader, shared some ideas, then I gathered my analysis and some investigation work, passed them a job chains report, showing the input/output and dependencies. When the team received this, they got a better picture, and knew who to contact next to solve their problems. The whole 'deadlock' is resolved, things are moving :), I sense they will get the right support soon ....

So, I've make some differences to others, and help make others' lives better , put a smile on others ......and now, it's my turn to settle my own problems, coz I need more smiles on my face, for tomorrow is a new day ......

Dancing ....

When I'm feeling down or unhappy ...the easiest way to uplift myself is to watch a comedy movie - have some good laugh. While watching movie in the theatre, that short moment is like a paradise to me ....forget about problems, things that upset me, or things that bother me.....

Weeks ago, I need a comedy desparately, but tak ada settled for a Romance movie - 'Shall We Dance' by Richard Gere, Jennifer Lopez and Susan Sarandon. The story line was normal, but I enjoyed the dances. Wow, J Lo can dance well. It somehow related well to me .....

Brought me back to Uni time, second semester - I was a junior, the advanced or more difficult classes were taken by the seniors .... and since I need to fill up my General Studies subjects, I enrolled in American Ballroom Dance. My instructor was a nice old lady. We had a good mix of female and male, and students from various states as well as international. I always looked forward attending this Ballroom Dance class. It's like an exercise or a mini get-away from the hectic classes and assignments. I learned waltz, quickstep, foxtrot, cha cha, swing and a bit of tango. Instructor said man play the lead role in Ballroom Dance, and woman just follow the lead, simple rite ? Viola - of course I got an 'A' for this class ...... I met my first American host family in this Ballroom class. While I was dancing with her, we talked about our background, I shared my wish of learning American cultures.....she instantly offered herself as my host family, later, she and her family gave/moved a single-size bed, sofa, study table, coffee tables into my little apartment (hmm, I'll blog more on them later ...especially since Easter is around ).

Third semester, I enrolled in Advanced Ballroom Dance. I supposed I enjoyed dancing, the passion was there....along with music, no matter who the partner was (we rotated partners in a circle) - the flow, the dance just came naturally..... and this subject was an easy one for me. (this was also one of the trick to maintain high CGPA , hehehe). Gosh, after the movie, I really have the urge to dance again, it's been such a long long time I did a Ballroom Dance. I'm too rusty now, forgotten the steps ....but it shouldn't be a problem to re-polish ... may be while I was driving home one of this days or when I'm stuck in a terrible traffic jam, I may experience the same scenario as Richard Gere, one who was tired of the routine life, suddenly, he saw J Lo at the Dance Studio while he was in the LRT, caught his attention, and attracted him to step into the Dance Studio ........

Monday, March 14, 2005


Bahija very busy lately, covering shifts for my counterparts who are on vacations and attended to family matters as well. Just 2 Saturday ago, Teddy Bear had a fit, fell down and sprained his waist. Poor thing, he was in pain. While sisters were busy with projects, I offered to bring him to doctor. I was sort of taking an easy way out, chose a new doctor near mum's house. Tuesday night, after mum's doctor appointment in Seapark, we went to the Kepong chiropractor. Teddy Bear wasn't recovering, he was scared of drinking water - as he didn't want to walk to washroom, he chose to lay on bed all day - as he's scared of the pain while walking. Thursday night, Lililatappong brought him to the same chiroprator again.... then dragged until last Saturday. We finally decided we had to visit the old chiropractor who is in Ulu Langat ....personally, I'm scare of this place, one has to wait hours. We spent 5 hours hot and torturing there - waited for a 20 minutes treatment, but luckily - it works, today, Teddy Bear can walk, engaging in his hobby - tearing newspapers :) Lesson learned - don't make him suffer, just bring him to the same chiropractor even though it's a super long wait and super jauh ......there is no easy way out !

It's also on Saturday, we received his GH's medical report that he has diabetes. I wasn't in good mood. First thing came to my mind was - there are more challenges, we, as a family, has to face now, time, effort and financially - for mum and Teddy Bear. Secondly, I truly pity Teddy Bear, he's taking 12 pills each day, non stop for years ....and soon, more to come this insane ? Does he has a choice ?

Teddy Bear had high fever at the age of 28 days, before full moon. He had a fit, and mum brought him to a clinic. The doctor prescibed medicine, said nothing serious, asked mum to go home. Later, fever still there, mum went second time, and again, sent home. Third visit was after mid nite, shift switched, so mum got to see another doctor. This time, doctor quickly asked mum to admit Teddy Bear to hospital.......unfortunately, little did she know - his brain was damaged due to prolonged high fever, lacked of oxygen to his brain ...aiiii, he was just 28th days in this world. Was he fated to be like this ?

He was a slow learner during his early childhood. My parent was called to see the primary school headmaster after Teddy Bear attended a few days/weeks in Standard One. Headmaster asked my parent to send him to a special care school. I supposed that was the thunderstorm shock to my parent, that Teddy Bear was mentally handicapped. They ran around tried many doctors, different remedies, my mum even went all the way to India to see Sai Ba Ba - one of the Indian holy man ..there were many many stories and difficulties my parent went thru when I may not have born or when I was young ........they must be despaired at one point or many points in time ....

Now, Teddy Bear is 39 years old, he's like a giant baby to me ....though he's mentally retarded, but he knows who his family members are, he knows what love is ......when mum is sick, he shows sympathy, when mum is away, he misses her so much, when we are out and return home late, he will switch on the car porch lights, when salesmen come to house to sell things, he chase them away by saying 'no no no - go away' or he will just ignore them, when he is with all our nieces and nephews, he knows they are young kids, and he never pukul them or fight with them, instead he let them bulied him. When I was young, I was so so afraid to see him fighting his severe seizures, his hands, legs, lip turned black, white discharges from mouth, bleeding etc. I remembered crying watching him, it's a nightmare to me. As time goes by, his condition/behaviour changed, he experienced mood swing, behavior changes. Now he doesn't have severe seizure, but he has small small minor sub-seconds fits - well, this is good enough to cause tremendous pain to him. When he experiences fit, it's a brain fit - very very painful. You know how painful when you experience cramped leg .... don't you ? He used to have frequent seizures until he hit the glass door, or knocked on floors or hard objects - that need to rush him for mutiple sticthes. I was so phobia receiving house phone calls at one point, never know what happened next ....

He was on medication since I think 7 years old until now, non stop ....his medication caused him to sleep more, and many other side effects -including weight gained. There are many things / medical treatment we cannot do on him, the reason is simple - He cannot tell the side effects, he doesn't know the difference....thus rejected by doctors. Sometimes, I do feel frustrated when things not working out well for him, and when I'm over-burden running around for him. Then, who am I to have such feeling or say, when my mum devoted all her life for Teddy Bear. Aiiiii, this is what I called 'every household has a difficult book to read/translate' (家家有本难念之经). I'm indeed glad that my family members and extended members who are around town, all chipping in their time and effort, taking turns to help make things better for each other, without this strong family ties and assistance, life would be miserable, especially for me who is impatience - and sakit hati facing Teddy Bear. Sometimes, I also wonder, would it be better if he gets to escape this suffer now, and be in eternity, with Daddy .......aiiiiii

I never want to take this as a 'burden', rather it is a challenge for us to overcome, or it could be an opportunity for us to get closer with each other - showing our love. Mum always said all her kids are doing relatively well now, all have stable income, jobs, families, good health, and the bad ones are borned by Teddy Bear or she thinks that she has to repay her debts for the sins she or we did in our previous lives......moving forward, though I'm sad, I'm down, but there are many people out there, having bigger problems than we, I just have to treasure every single moment, stay positively. I thank Father Lord for giving me his strong message yesterday that I need to stay strong, bear the fruit of 'Peace' ..... inner peace and wisdom within myself - so that I can focus on handling challenges.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Habibi & Fasting

Today Pastor said Christian is not a religion, it is 'relationship with God'. When we talk about relationship ? what do we do ? For a relationship to blossom, one has to invest time and effort, get to know the other person, right ? so this is what we Christian do. It is called QT = Quiet Time. A lot of my fellow friends told me, since I'm new, Father Lord usually communicate more to me now, when I ask for faith, for request, Father Lord will answer to me :) hahahaha, not sure this is true or not, but I'm enjoying His company every night/day/moment.

I do my QT before I go to bed. Tonight, while I was doing QT, suddenly - Habibi came to my mind - just like that ...... so what about him ?

When I visited Egypt last year, it was the first week of Ramadhan. Habibi was fasting. Habibi was my Egyptian tour guide - he's my favourite, one who inspired me - if u follow my blogs, you'll notice I mentioned him a few times :). I like the way he pronounced 'break-fast', I tot he said breakfast as in 'sarapan', kuku for a few times trying to figure out. The cuaca then was SUPER HOT and DRY, hotter than the cuaca we're experiencing now. He was fasting, walking under the super hot sun, no drinks, and he had to keep talking, telling us the exciting fun ancient stories.....

He expressed his thankfulness for fasting. I don't know the exact sentence, but the sort of meaning is like this - "I'm glad that I'm fasting, and get to walk under the hot sun and sweat, rather than sitting relaxing in an air conditioned room...because by doing this, I get to know/realize the true meaning of Fasting - to Suffer, to taste Bitterness"...and that's the whole idea of fasting, to get to know how others' suffer ......then extend helps if can, or appreciate what we already have

So, during QT with Father, I think Habibi & his fasting story came to me, reminding me that 'tithe' carries its' hidden meaning as well, what's the point of simply giving, without feeling the pain & its' true meaning, in my case, I have A LOT of pains :). This few days, I've asked a lot of people to comment on opened my eyes & ears listening to others, I get to know where I stand, and how each and everyone interpret it differently, some was so obviuos that their 'selfishness' is projected upfront ...oh boy...some totally missed the meaning of Giving.....God has a more challenging job working on them leh :)

The Art of Giving

Malaysians are in the midst of filing their Return Form for Income Tax, I'm always sakit hati during this time. This round, I'm put on a test. It's related to tithing, something I just learned/realized since last Tuesday, and this topic has been on my mind since then I medidate on it, padahal - I should be medidate on word of god, His verses ....but I went to the wrong path pula...

This is going to be extremely hard for me. I do donations here and there, adopted orphan by sponsoring her yearly fees.....But, compared to the tithe He's expecting, I realized I'm like an ant. To me, the art of Giving especially tithe - is a noble task, I'm struggling extremely hard to take my first move. It is now I realized how materialistic I am, and how important I value my hard earned money, I'm a kindergarden kid in term of mastering the art of Giving ....without expecting anything in return, but investing for eternity. Believe it or not, I heard His words, He's been sending messages to me since Tuesday ..... what a challenge, this is like a decision to change job or to buy a house... And I truly have the 'hurt' and 'sakit hati' part .... really really really heart sore lor ....of course, He will guide me through this, I suppose another practice on 'see open'. 'see open' sound like giving up, let go...for tithing, I think one has to really wanting to do it, in order to fulfil the main purposes ....

Today again, His word to me is to Give with the right attitudes :
1. Give willingly
2. Give joyfully
3. Give generously
4. Give expectantly

'Giving is the antidote to Materialism'
'Giving strengthens my faith' ......

Truly a difficult test ......

Happy Anniversary !

Bahija started blogging on December 6, 2004 (Sunday). Today is Sunday again, and exactly 3 months lioa :). I wanted to gather some statistics on the number of posts I've created, but Blogger is currently having technical problem, and the User Stats feature is not available, aiyah yah....

Amazingly, I'm still active and stick with this little habit for 3 months lioa .... promoted myself, as my fellow friends were 'influenced' and started theirs, and that made me 'grand-ma' level, and my xi foo - Ringgit is datuk moyang liow..... It's kinda fun reading my old posts ( just 3 mths aje leh). This will be nostalgic for years to come ..... So, Happy 1Q Anniversary, may I find joy in pursuing this further HA HA !

Oh, I want to express this ...what motivates me ? 'Sharing' - the words, emails, msns, phone calls that you returned to me, make it 'shock' for me to share my life matters :)

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


Teddy said ‘Happy, Joy come from inner self; not from work, external thingy’ - well said. Thanks, welcome to my blog and share my ‘life matters’ :)

Yesterday, I talked to 2 musicians. One is learning clarinet, one is semi professional playing trumpet - performing in public lioa. Those of you who doesn’t know about KLCC concert hall , please check out this KLCC Philharmonic ….. it’s an impressive world-class concert hall. Next time in town, can arrange a special trip to one of the masterpiece. One of the musician friend already gave me idea, and I assumed he will setup and conduct a mini orchestra during my special day …. Wow, more guests on my list liow, LOL …

Feeling downnnnnnnn

'Aiiiii' - the word I used often now. I'm getting the down feeling, can sense I'm goin into depression pretty soon - must STOP this ! ....There are many organization changes going on in my work group, it affects my managers, 'virus' to the direct reports and me as well ....

Kancil and myself are so demotivated is easy said than done - to stay positive, to be open for changes, to look out for opportunities. How come I have no desire, no passion within me to actively look out for opportunities ??? Worse to me, I lost the 'passion' and I'm feeling empty now. As I learn from sermon - happy doesn't last long, joy is .....geeee, let me 'see open' 看 开, grant me the wisdom not to self-pity, and walk thru this positively ....please.